Dec
19
2007
Sheer materials are generally not OK for anyone. But they are especially not OK if you’re Ashford and Simpson. Uncle Nick I can see your nips…and wait a minute! Aunt Val I can see yours too!
Man, back in the day Ashford and Simpson used to remind me of my parents. That was of course back when the Great Reverend Doctor had a jheri curl and Patty Boo donned the illest Negra mullet ever. But these two can no longer serve as my pretend celebrity mom and dad. Cus as crazy as my parents are, they would NEVER, EVER, NEVER, NEVER, EVER, NEVER engage in any tomfoolery like this. Excuse me whilst I go get a cold compress for my brow. I’m feeling a little peaked.
Dec
19
2007
So remember how I told you guys a little while ago that there was going to be a new version of
American Gladiator? Well it’s just come out (no pun intended) that one of the Gladiators, Militia (nee Alex Castro), used to be a gay porn star under the name Elian Cortez. Colt studios, his former employer, released this little tidbit of information.
I don’t know about you but this makes a lot of sense to me. I think it’s a very natural career progression. Both jobs seem to hold relatively similar duties. I mean in his new job he gets to dress up in teeny metallic clothes almost like a superhero (omg the G on his utility belt is KILLING me right now) and tussle with men in front of the cameras (after oirling up of course). IN his old job he…well, maybe if we add chaps and some lip gloss and…actually, I’m not going down that road. Use your imagination. Anywayz, congrats Militia! You can bet your hot pants I’ll be watching you!
Dec
17
2007
And here’s another thing I like about Coco…there’s no pretense. She just cuts to the chase. Gotta respect that.
Dec
13
2007
I’d like to call this pure magic! Need a close up? Me too!
Gadzooks and Boogity Boogity!
Dec
12
2007
Here’s the lovely lady at last night’s premiere of I Am Legend. I need to know what kinda pulleys and black magic she used to keep that top up. Side note: My girl Tracy was at the premiere too and I’m jealous that she got to sit in the same theater as Coco and I didn’t. Curses!
Dec
12
2007
Garry Coleman recently tried to sell his Saturn on
ebay. The description reads:
What you all are looking at is The famous Gary Coleman’s 2007 Saturn Sky. This Roadster is the coolest car out in the market and you can now have one with a really cool Value if you bid on this Famous one. Thank you for checking out my site please email with any Further Questions. The Winning Bidder gets a complimentary autograph from Gary Himself. Good Luck and Happy Bidding!!!! GOD BLESS!!! Also Mudflap add on is on the car. This vehicle is gently used and in excellent condition of course.
My heart just shattered into a thousand pieces. Not because he has to sell his Saturn (chuckles) for a few extra bucks, not because he calls himself and his Saturn (chuckles again) famous, and not because he’s throwing in a free autographed picture. My heart is beyond repair due to 1. the fact that he has green Crocs on and 2. the fact that even though the pic isn’t close up I can still tell that his hands are as
ashy as they were a few months ago when he tried to sell his game cube on Ebay.
I hope he’s ashamed of himself.
Dec
10
2007
How I managed to notice her rainbow striped heels I’ll never know. This year all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth, world peace, and the secret to getting a crease on the TOP of your cheeks!
Dec
10
2007
That wacky Marilyn Manson was on the BBC’s Graham Norton Show where he told a story that involved Ecstasy and a baboon’s cage. He also talked about some new ink he wants to get on his peen. It went a lil’ something like this:
Controversial rocker Marilyn Manson ended up sharing a cage with a baboon after taking an ecstasy pill. Manson found himself face to face with the ape after taking the drug in a zoo in Florida. He said: “It was the first time I saw a baboon face to face. They said whatever you do don’t look him in the eye so that’s all I could do. They actually let me in. Some irresponsible bastard said lets put Marilyn Manson on ecstasy in a cage with a red arse baboon.” He also said, “I wanted to put a tattoo, if I would get one there[his penis], that would say buyer beware.” Source
Do you know how horribly wrong that chance encounter could have gone?! Baboons are crazy as hell and could maul you to death even if you had your wits about you. But on E!? I’m surprised he wasn’t trying to dry hump the poor animal. He should thank his lucky stars that monkey didn’t pelt him with poo then rip his throat apart with its razor sharp fangs. Ah, and about the peen tattoo. If really wants to shock he should dedicate it to his mom and ink something like “I Heart Barb” That would raise
my eyebrow.
BTW-Some of you don’t know what the term Blackle means when I use it. It usually refers to a rude, crass, nasty, ignorant, or just down right dumb darkie who is an embarrassment to the race at large. A Blackle often dresses loudly or sloppily and tends to have crusty lips and smell like mildew. It’s scary and monster-like and should be avoided at all costs. And that thing licking Marilyn’s face is one personification of it. I’ll provide other examples ad nausium.
Dec
06
2007
Um, no…he doesn’t. Cleveland Cavaliers guard Damon Jones is really feelin’ himself right about now. He’s been quoted as saying,
“‘Not only am I the most attractive player in Cleveland, I am the most attractive player in the NBA. If I decide to go out to dinner or a club after a game, you’ll never see Damon Jones running behind any women. I don’t have to. women choose. If a woman is interested in Damon Jones, she’s going to have to pursue me or we will never meet. I don’t have to pursue any woman. I have what every woman wants. I’m attractive, I’m charismatic, I’m rich. I’m every woman’s dream.”
Source
Really Damon? Speaking for myself, the thick gums, Steve Harvey teeth and taco meat would make me run for the hills. But whatevs.
Sheer materials are generally not OK for anyone. But they are especially not OK if you’re Ashford and Simpson. Uncle Nick I can see your nips…and wait a minute! Aunt Val I can see yours too!
This is just how that Mononucleosis keeps spreading. I bet they share lip gloss. 
Underarm flab AND a metallic camel toe. Nice! 
Lo bites her tongue and begins to sweat. She vowed not to talk about anyone under the age of 11 for fear God will punish her with children both unattractive and slow of wit…but…the…evil…words…are…fighting…their…way…out….MUST….RESIST….MUST….RESIST! 
Looks like Wacko Jacko went in for a tuneup….that, or his face finally fell off and he needed to somehow hold it together.
